British Heart Foundation - The preamble, Late June 2012

One good thing about having a heart attack is that it gives you a mission.  Firstly, you have to survive it.  Secondly, you need to recover.  Thirdly, you need to change your life to ensure it does not happen again.  Finally, after the first 3 are out of the way, you need to get some payback.

To achieve all the 3 is dull.  I know I've just done it so the payback for my new and "lesser" existence is some charity work (I loved smoking, late nights, doing £60 up the pub on a Friday!!).  How is charity work payback I hear you ask...

Actually there are several reasons.  The Charity itself is a good one.  The British Heart Foundation is a very well run organisation that genuinely does it's best to support the victims of heart disease as well as sponsor research.  I was part of this research during my boring and frustrating stay at the excellent Bristol Heart Institute and it was a release from the drudgery of hospital food/routines.  Another reason is this...I saw some gravely ill people recently.  They will not have the opportunity to help themselves.  It's up to those of us....all of us....to do our bit for those less fortunate than ourselves and I have all the time in the world to do this.  I am very thankful that I can do that.  Also doing charity gigs and events is fun where I get my name in the paper and that's nice.  I like that....it makes my head big.

Fund raising event number 1:  3 Band gig at the Royal Oak public house, 2nd September 2012, late afternoon onwards.  For the raffle I contacted some new friends and tapped up an old one and they all came through.  Sir Ranulph Fiennes (new friend) has donated some prizes for the raffle as has Peter Gabriel (new friend also) former Genesis front man and world renowned solo recording artist and Mr Viv Anderson MBE, the former England, Man Utd, Arsenal, Nott'm Forest (old friend - see Gibraltar posts from last year) footballer has done the same.  Basically, 3 bands with a raffle.  This should be good for £500 or so.

Fund raising event number 2:  I'm going to do the "Camino".  Northern Spain from Leon to Santiago - 400km, on foot.  I want to loose another half stone and drop my cholesterol a point anyway so everyone wins.  This will be a sponsored walk and should be worth another few hundred quid if I'm lucky.  This will take a little organising but I still hope to do it this year - October?  If those things don't kill me, I will live til I'm ninety and have yet more astonishing (for a tosser like myself) memories to dribble to when I'm an incontinent, wheel chair bound heavy rock drummer.

So it is the press tomorrow to get the first articles in the local rags publicising the event.  Having the celebrities on board is a real help.  The truth is they do not do anything really!  They do allow you to use there name however and that catches the eye.  Eye catching gets people to the gig and that is money.  The success of these events is totally about money.  We could all play crap but if I get £500 I will be a very contented man.  If my feet end up covered in blisters and I can walk for the rest of the year but I raise £200 for the walk I will be a very contented man.  In fact just for trying I feel very contented and privileged that I have the opportunity and resources to do these things.  Life is a wonderful thing....  I remember a quote from the Vietnam War (I think) and it goes something like this...

     "for those who have fought for it life has a lustre that others will never know"

The British Heart Foundation trys to help both types of person and you can't do better than that.

So a music choice.  Alone?  So what.  I hope you get the joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cw1ng75KP0

And another hot as fuck female singer.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vFFyJ0s9m0

Ok guys....a third

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkXNEmtf9tk&feature=related

(1980's ladies fashion, yum yum..)

Recovery: Totally had enough of all this bollix!!

The title says it all.  It's my 4th week anniversary of my heart attack and I was blue lighted again into the Royal United Hospital 5 nights ago.  I respect doctors but I also trust my own intelligence and this is where I start to get a little angry....

Some facts before I close my references to all things heart related.  I don't have heart disease.  My heart attack was essentially caused by a birth defect.  I don't have high cholesterol.  My cholesterol is 4.3.  I don't have high blood pressure - in fact it is low naturally.  Given all that why oh why was I given beta blockers, statins, ACE inhibitors etc etc?  Why?  I asked this before I left The Bristol Heart Institute and against my better judgement I went along with the drug regime even after several heated arguments with the good doctors and nurses.  I didn't want to be there so I left early.  They didn't like that either.  In fact I don't think they liked me at all.

Well bugger me.  Guess what?  5 nights ago I had to ring 999 to get my ass to hospital because I became close to loosing conscious after taking my night time pills.  A reaction to the pills that I don't need.  To cut a long story short I am now off all these drugs with the exception of a quarter of an Aspirin tablet and a low dose "super aspirin" that I have agreed to take for life, when available (if i run out away I'm not going to loose sleep over it).

I feel fuckin great!  My heart feels like mine again and I'm sleeping better.  Today, my 4th week anniversary I have just gone for a run after a light shoulder session with the weights.  I feel strong and in control of my life once again.  And I am strong too.  30 press ups were easy and a quarter mile run with a walking segment in the middle has got me a sweat on.  I haven't smoked tobacco for 4 weeks and this has made an incredible difference.  No coughs, no wheezes, well worth it to be honest.  I think about a ciggy every once in a while and in the right circumstances I will probably have one but that wasn't yesterday or the day before.  Nor is it today.  I'm going to treat my smoking that way and it is very easy!  Want to give up smoking?  Have a heart attack!  It becomes a doddle then!

I have had several conversations with friends this week.  Spoke to Ginny for the first time in over a year.  I always miss my opportunities with her.  I always assume these days that nothing will come of it so I don't really try to be nice!  Honesty is often not nice.  Anyway, I'm sure you are doing all sorts of Internet dating and playing with crystals and tarot cards and stuff.  I got the feeling babe from your voice that things arnt quite going to plan though.  I hope I'm wrong.

Popped in to see my old boss Sarah in Melksham Blue Pool and formally resigned from being a pool lifeguard and I think - since I have got off the shit the hospital told me to take - I was a little hasty.  Nevermind, it's done, but I think I will be back.  In our brief chat she asked me, almost like she was talking to a naughty boy (she is a whipper snapper at 40), are you going to slow down and I said yes.  That was me on the drugs.  Sorry Sarah I'm even better than I thought so strike that conversation.

My diet was excellent before but I want to drop my cholesterol into the 3somethings.  That is what a statin can do - at least a point drop.  I think I can do better through minor changes to my diet.  I don't believe in taking drugs when there is a natural solution.  I think I should qualify the use of the word natural.  I don't mean HOMOEOPATHIC by using the word "natural". If you are really ill you trust these remedies at your peril!  I've tried them, and rekki and reflexology etc etc and these "treatments" simply don't work for me.  There always has been a more effective option available.

With all this going on I managed to get a weekend in at the Sundowners Motorcycle Club rally.  Charmaigne made the suggestion and with Buzz her close mate we got totally shitfaced last Saturday night.  Char dances and I duly gave my best headbanging and air guitaring to the live bands and heavy rock disco.  There were also pole dancers.  I like pole dancers and they seemed to like me!  God, I need to get laid....

4 weeks on. Off the heart drugs. Off tobacco. Back to exercise.  My temperamental back is feeling good and quite strong.  Where was I in my life prior to my heart attack?  Ah yes, walking across northern Spain; The Camino.  Is it possible this year?  It has got to be worth a go.  What else have I got to do?  Never give in.  Always push.  One day we will all be old and incapable of doing everything we want to do.  For me that day is not today or tomorrow....it's a long way off.  When it comes however I will enjoy it because I know I tried to do things right and worthwhile.  What about you?

You Can't Make it Up!! - Heart Attack - 10pm, 21st May 2012

I was sitting there, in front of laptop in my office, beating the Russians all ends up at the Battle of Kursk and my life changed - again.  Before I was immortal, now I'm not.....but not for long I'm sure.

It started suddenly.  My chest felt as though I had smoked 200 cigars.  I felt sick.  I was sweating and clammy.  My pulse was erratic.  After 15 minutes or so I rang 999.  It was clear I was having a heart attack. 

The ambulance arrived minutes after the 999 call and the 2 paramedics were very slick, knowledgeable and well equipped.  They hooked me up to a mobile ECG plotter, gave me an Aspirin and a spray of GTN under my tongue but I was still very ill.  I was "blue lighted" to the Bristol Heart Institute where I had a stainless steel stent fitted in 1 coronary artery within 15 minutes of my arrival - then I felt amazingly good!  Better than before my heart attack in fact!

I had 4 heart attacks before I reached the hospital.  After the forth, which occurred in the ambulance, I remember looking up at the "Mind Your Head" warning on the ambulances back door and thinking "this is probably it Stevie boy!".  The paramedic in the back very quietly told the driver "let's go!".  I decided to take stock.  I was very calm and, even though I was feeling very sick, I started to smile.  I was relaxed - probably due to the diamorphine (smack! yum!) they had given me - and got myself ready for the big one that would end my life.  I wanted to make my last thoughts notable and worthy.  I thought of my daughter.  I recalled moments during her childhood.  I felt very proud of her and I felt proud of myself for never running out of patience with her and always supporting her in everything that she attempts.  I also thought of my biggest disappointment with regret.

I survived - again.

I was taken to the Coronary Care Unit for the night to recover and this was not pleasant.  Not only could I not sleep - I kept setting off the alarms with my naturally low pulse and blood pressure on top of the "calming" drugs that I had been given to subdue my heart's natural function.  35 BPM is quite natural for me at rest.  I am a freak - check your own pulse!  The real horrid thing about being in such an environment is that most there (all except me it seems) are gravely ill.  Sure enough, about 3am, I heard the most dreadful noises coming from the next cubical but one.  This was a 56 year old lady's death rattle and I am not going to describe them to you.  The fast footsteps and the 1-2-3-4-5 etc being shouted out loud by the resus team went on for some time then all went quiet.  If anyone is out there and thinks a massive heart attack is a "nice way to go" think again and give up smoking.  This woman died in agony.  About an hour later I heard a shriek from a room just outside the ward and then heard one of the duty nurses say that was the daughter being told.  This is all very, very sad and not good for morale.  I never saw her alive. Just a fleeting glimpse as she was taken off the ward some hours later once the dreadfully upset family had viewed this poor lady.  I was simply an anonymous bystander in her death.

Ok, next morning once I got my sensors sorted out I went for a walk.  Within 12 hrs of my heart attack I walked down 5 flights of stairs, had a walk for 45 minutes and walked back up.  The ward are stunned and (very angry with me!) I was approached to spend 2 hrs in CT scanner for research purposes.  They get data I get a very, very deep inspection of my heart and it was encouraging.  My heart attack was minor - very minor.  Barely visible damage and great movement confirmed that I was genuinely feeling terrific!

I left hospital early with more drugs than I could carry and finally got home where I sat down, realised what had happened, and cried my eyes out.  My life has changed forever and I know it.  It's not just the no fags but this could happen again to me.  I eat a terrific diet, exercise, have low cholesterol, low pulse rate and low blood pressure.  No sign of any other fatty deposits anywhere in my body!  As 46 year olds go, I'm in very good order (except a broken back and 5 fucked discs of course).  Ok I smoked, but I thought I had the whole heart attack thing covered.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The drugs they give you are terrible.  I felt great until they came into effect.  For the first few days you think you are going to have another heart attack I sware!  Little chest pains, fluctuating pulse rate and hot flushes make you wonder whether you are going to have another.  Not good but it appears I will not be on the nastier tablets for long - 6 months tops.

Anyway.....I have a love interest in my life.  This has started since my heart attack and is lovely if I'm honest.  The lady concerned is younger than myself (er...a lot younger in fact) but she is bright, affectionate and impressive if I'm honest.  We both know that nothing will come of it in the long run which is sad but we are giving each other really nice times and I'm glad that I took the chance even though it is against my better judgement.  She is very good company and very honest and I like that.  As regular readers will know I have had some right nutters in recent years and whilst this young lady has to be a little touched to be hanging around with an old fart like me at least she has her feet on the ground and working to a plan to better her life and sticking to it.  I really respect that.  It reminds me of me.

So...what a post!  Bet you didn't expect to read this shit when you poured milk over your rice crispies this morning!  I never expected to write it either but there we go.  My ethos on life is that if you experience a negative experience you should "right the wrong" and create a positive.  So I have approached 2 other bands that I know well and we are going to do a one day festival in aid of the British Heart Foundation.  I will keep you informed.  Best payback I can think of.  Thanks to Phill Kamm of A Stone Deaf and Jim from my old band Fat Freddy's Cat for assisting here.  It will be good with some surprises and it will be in the autumn.  I've even got the Wiltshire Times onboard - cheers Chris!

To music!!!!!!  I've posted this before but it fits so well.  My long suffering and exasperated GP thought I only had 2 or 3 lives left and maybe it is time to stop pushing.  I will try but no promises.  After all it is better to burn out than fade away.  What a guitar solo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5mrEAPMLk8

Ill, Guitars and Gigs - May 2012

Firstly, let me introduce you to our band  Black Widow.

Left to Right:  Si - Bass. Joolz - Guitars and Vocals.  Charmaigne - Vocals.  Rat - Drums.  Ga - Sound Engineer.

Had practise last night and boy are we good!  Never been able to say that about a band I have played in before but I can say it now.  Come and see us!  First gig is at The Pilot Pub, Bowerhill, Melksham, 20 June.  This is a simple mid-week warm up gig so it will be very informal.  We need to prove our PA and other stage issues before we start to charge real money and join the local music circuit.

We have worked hard in the last few months and the results are just starting to emerge.  Firstly we are getting tighter.  Si and I definitely have an affinity and I look for his bass groves and he looks for my drum chops - works well.  Joolz, our axeman is a real innovator.  He uses a synth with his guitar to make some of our song really come alive and honour the original.  Charmaigne is simply incredible.  We recorded ourselves last night for the first time (and I will be posting some songs soon) and when you get close up and personal with her vocal track you really hear the quality.  Yup, we can play.

First Set List:

Lil' Devil  (The Cult)
Get it On   (T Rex)
Kids in America  (Kim Wilde)
All in my Head  (Kosheen)
Rockin' in the Free World   (Neil Young)
Dreams   (Cranberries)
White Wedding   (Billy Idol)
Vertigo   (U2)
Creep   (Radiohead)
Tainted Love   (Scorpions)

Second Set List:

Pretty Vacant   (Sex Pistols)
99 Red Balloons   (Nena)
Inside   (Stiltskin)
Nutbush City Limits   (Tina Turner)
Touch Too Much   (AC/DC)
My Medicine   (The Pretty Reckless)
What's Up   (4 Non Blonds)
Rolling in the Deep   (Adele)
She Sells Sanctuary   (The Cult)

We are trying to be a contemporary rock band.  Gone are the classic anthems (well most of them) that are played time and again by bands at our level and in are some modern chart hits.  The set will develop as we do but we are getting more ambitious.  Good, good, good.  Next to the studio to make our demo disc!  Such fun.

Last post was all about modifying my bass guitar and what I had planned for it.  The following is what happened:

The ingredients:

The Raw Material:

Surgery Commenced:

The lower part of the Faraday Cage installed in copper (but not earthed yet).

And the Upper Part (foil covered scratch plate)

The new electrics on the left and the old on the right.  Note the size of the gen Fender yank pots.  Also the super powerful Seymour Duncan "Hotrails" pick up.

Screw it all together:

String it, add a silly strap with Schaller "never drop" strap fixings and love it!

As for the sound...?  It's awesome.  Very lusty and works very well with my Ashdown 180 Electric Blue amp.  I'm doing Si's Fender Jazz Bass next week!

Whilst we are on the subject of guitars......  It's my birthday soon and I'm due a few bob from my previous employer - bastards made me (and others) take them to the European Court of Justice though!  Anyway, I'm spending a lot of time at home at the moment due to the fact I'm very ill and can't get out very often.  Soooo I bought this as well.

2xSeymore Duncan P90 pick ups, 22 fret, Squier Custom Telecaster Mk2.  Gonna do the custom shop thing on it and add a 4 position switch.  Looks lovely!  Sounds amazing through a Fender Mustang3 amp.



Last Saturday Joolz, Ga and Charlie (young singer guitarist we know) and myself popped into town to see Micheal Schenker at the Shephards Bush Empire and very nice it was to.  I was totally wankered on pain killers, a couple of beers etc.  Don't remember much but I went and I came home again!  Oh, and I had a chat with Herman Rarebell the Scorpions drummer and he signed my ticket!  Another item for my office wall... 

A busy post this one and it deserves a busy little tune to finish off.  Given this weeks events it had to be this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufs7rFbU7Ec&feature=related

Luvs ya!

This post is very anal - Bass Guitar Upgrade!

I've bought myself a bass guitar several weeks ago and I love it.  I bought an ex-girlfriend a Taylor accoustic guitar for a Xmas prezzie last year and it was beautiful thing that you just had to touch.  I picked up my little bass at an aution for a fair price - £95.  It's like new and unmolested.  Until now....

My bass is a shortscale Squier Bronco.  It cost new about £165.  I've been playing quite a lot and this cute, glossy guitar feels like it is built like a battleship, but it is only a 29.5 inch neck.  Very easy to play but you don't see many of the pro's using them.  The guys play top gear so for me to fulfil my little ambition (to play a song on the bass at a gig) I think I should breath a little quality into the electrics.  It's an underdog and I want it to play with the big boys!

After a lot of research and thought this is my rationale.  My bass has a thin sound due to the pick up being a cheap 6 string item used on the Squier Strat copies.  It has to go.  I don't like the finger noise you get - especially when you are as crap as me - when moving around the fret board.  Roundwound strings have to go.  I want a rich complex sound.  These are my parameters.

So start with the strings  I have a posh set of half round (smooth) string coming.  The E is 100 size, the G 40.  These strings give a slightly mellow sound more akin to soul and reggie.  I will play rock mostly so I have chosen a powerful pick up and bright tuning pot.  Seymour Duncan Hot Rail for a Strat neck.  Not as powerful as the bridge version but still very pokey.  Physically it is very similar to the stock pick up I'm replacing so adapting the mounting plate should require minimal if any work.  Being a rail pick up the unusual spacing (short scale guitar) of the 4 strings is also dealt with properly.  Regarding the pots I have gone for high quality Italian 500k items.  These should allow mid tones to come through from the now twin coil pick up.  Ive got a vitamin cap for the tone control and it's a standardish old style 47mf jobber, £11.  The Bronco, being a solid but cheap guitar, has no insulation.  Basically, to reduce "noise" within the circuitry the better guitars have all of the electrics in the guitar screened by an earthed Faraday Cage.  I've got some thin self adhesive foil coming and that should rectify that issue and bring this element up to a professional standard.

This will keep me busy for a day or two!  Before I do anything though I am going to record the stock guitar.  I have a great camera and in addition I will measure the action of the guitar and the distance the strings of the guitar are from the stock pick up.  When I restring it I will have a base setting to set the guitar up to.

I like customising stuff.  My festival manbag is covered in patches from my travels and this laptop is covered in motorcycle themed stickers.  My bike is not standard.  Once I complete this work on my guitar it will be mine.  How will it sound?  It's going to be better because at the moment the tone of my little Bronco is just not good enough to sound interesting - it simply works.  The quality of the componants I have aquired is very high.  Professional standard everywhere so I think the question is whether I will like it and I won't know until I've finished it!

Well.....wasn't that a dull post!!!  So to finish, a band with a unique sounding bass player and a lead guitarist as good and as anyone - including the greats.  It's loud and brash but what do you expect from a speed freak?  What a lead solo, what a bass solo, drummer is a bit good too, powerful stuff.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBFhvEQMPME

A Night at the Tavistock Wharf with Martin Barre

It was well worth the long drive.  Joolz (our lead guitarist) and I managed to get the last two tickets to see the Jethro Tull guitarist Martin Barre playing with his new band.  Those of you too young to know who Tull are would not expect such a folk/prog leaning band to have an Axeman such as Mr Barre.  He loves to rock out and the quality is excellent.  There were mistakes but  a very entertaining evening at a classy, intimate venue.  the beer is very reasonably priced and so are the burgers!

A great photograph of my pint!

The man himself.

This dude's face did not change all night.  To be honest given the complexity of the music he was required to play....mate, if it had been me I would have had a heart attack just looking at the music.

What a performer this guy was.  If you could put it in your mouth this bloke could get a tune from it.  I've had a couple of girlfriends like that.

OK that was last night.  Yesterday afternoon I was doing this with the guys.

Si, my partner in crime.

Charmaigne looking magnificent as ever wondering whether the new boy knows his knobs from his sliders.  Gary blissfully unaware as ever!!!  Love ya bro and a very "Sound Geezer".

Joolz showing the look every lead guitarist must be envious of!  Reminds me of Forest Gump.  Lol!!!!

Nice day.

So I guess the music choice is an obvious one this post.  Yeah, it is old but I still think it is fresh.  What a classic and dedicated to all those who work hard to achieve there goals whether on stage or in life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-gFKntKiUo

Footnote:  If you havent heard this before stick with it for a couple of minutes.  It is not a dried up old left over from the hippy generation (i've had a couple of.....it don't matter...!).  This rocks and I watched it last nite!!!!!

Even sadder - 1 Funeral, 1 Daughter, an Ex-lover and a photo I thought I would never see myself in! - Early April 2012

What a strange week.  Isn't it funny how the past never really leaves you?  Just when you think some frustrating, disappointing, confusing and very painful times are behind you they suddenly come back with a vengeance.  More on that later, first the photos.

Yup, it is me playing a guitar.  A personal message to all the guitarists I have playfully jibed at over the years:  Your instrument is easier to play than the drums!!!!!...........still the drummers sense of humour!

We buried Wendy last Friday and it was terrible.  I took the bike and we gave her the best biker send off we could.  A power wheelie in 3rd past the Crem at over 70mph was derigeur - been a longtime since I did that!  Juvenile and naff and if you have never done a biker funeral you won't get it...there we go...  Everyone was emotional and it is so very wrong for a parent to bury her child.  Watching this frail old woman touch the coffin at the end of the ceremony was a real blub provoker for me.  Lizzy, babe, please out live me - I don't know whether, and to quote a Japanese Emperor, I could "endure the un-endurable".  If ever you wanted to do me a favour, just outlive me.
Lizzy has been spending some time with me in the month long Easter break and, as ever it is a joy to have her around.  I'm a very lucky guy.

Ok, that is the photos, the funeral now the ex-lover...  Those of you who have read this blog for over a year will already know of her.  Although I removed much detail from my blog many months ago - too painful - you should still get a flavour from my earlier posts.  Back to the story;  Yesterday I recieved a text - totally out of the blue from a woman who I love from her hair, her laugh to her fucked up and counter productive way she deals with those who love her.  For all that, she is the one for me and I'm the one for her and it is torment that will probably be with me forever.

So a text - a text full of affection and hope....but.  I wish I could just ride my bike but I am so bad at the moment and leaving the house is still difficult so I'm lumbered, as ever.  What a waste....in every way.  Fuck it. Who cares?  Why am I surprised?  I'm giggling here thinking how I would explain getting back with her to some of you guys anyway!  Some of you would apply to get me certified!!!  But I think you would understand too.

Tomorrow is another day and I have a mission.  I have not been out for several days trying to recover from my recent relapse - it's too difficult to conceal it at the moment - but I have got the band coming over tomorrow night.  I've got to go to the supermarket as I'm cooking and putting on a spead.  I have not done this for years and Lizzy may be there and so will Gary.  Ga is one of my closest friends and over the years we have supported each other in important ways.  Always loyal.  Always honest and always tries to see both sides of things.  What more could you want?

I've had enough of this post now.  So it's pain killers, a night cap, dvd and sleep.  Tomorrow is another day.  Ever seen "127 Hours"?  There are worse places to be.  If you have seen "Crazy Heart" you can believe there is a hero in all of us but that doesn't mean you get what you think you deserve.  If you are good however you may just get something else.  It is fiction but I like the optimism so who cares!  What a performance from Jeff Bridges...

As for music.....I've linked to this before....shit music but great lyrics....very apt.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWSsJ10b5nE

......and I have toothache lol!!!!!