I was sitting there, in front of laptop in my office, beating the Russians all ends up at the Battle of Kursk and my life changed - again. Before I was immortal, now I'm not.....but not for long I'm sure.
It started suddenly. My chest felt as though I had smoked 200 cigars. I felt sick. I was sweating and clammy. My pulse was erratic. After 15 minutes or so I rang 999. It was clear I was having a heart attack.
The ambulance arrived minutes after the 999 call and the 2 paramedics were very slick, knowledgeable and well equipped. They hooked me up to a mobile ECG plotter, gave me an Aspirin and a spray of GTN under my tongue but I was still very ill. I was "blue lighted" to the Bristol Heart Institute where I had a stainless steel stent fitted in 1 coronary artery within 15 minutes of my arrival - then I felt amazingly good! Better than before my heart attack in fact!
I had 4 heart attacks before I reached the hospital. After the forth, which occurred in the ambulance, I remember looking up at the "Mind Your Head" warning on the ambulances back door and thinking "this is probably it Stevie boy!". The paramedic in the back very quietly told the driver "let's go!". I decided to take stock. I was very calm and, even though I was feeling very sick, I started to smile. I was relaxed - probably due to the diamorphine (smack! yum!) they had given me - and got myself ready for the big one that would end my life. I wanted to make my last thoughts notable and worthy. I thought of my daughter. I recalled moments during her childhood. I felt very proud of her and I felt proud of myself for never running out of patience with her and always supporting her in everything that she attempts. I also thought of my biggest disappointment with regret.
I survived - again.
I was taken to the Coronary Care Unit for the night to recover and this was not pleasant. Not only could I not sleep - I kept setting off the alarms with my naturally low pulse and blood pressure on top of the "calming" drugs that I had been given to subdue my heart's natural function. 35 BPM is quite natural for me at rest. I am a freak - check your own pulse! The real horrid thing about being in such an environment is that most there (all except me it seems) are gravely ill. Sure enough, about 3am, I heard the most dreadful noises coming from the next cubical but one. This was a 56 year old lady's death rattle and I am not going to describe them to you. The fast footsteps and the 1-2-3-4-5 etc being shouted out loud by the resus team went on for some time then all went quiet. If anyone is out there and thinks a massive heart attack is a "nice way to go" think again and give up smoking. This woman died in agony. About an hour later I heard a shriek from a room just outside the ward and then heard one of the duty nurses say that was the daughter being told. This is all very, very sad and not good for morale. I never saw her alive. Just a fleeting glimpse as she was taken off the ward some hours later once the dreadfully upset family had viewed this poor lady. I was simply an anonymous bystander in her death.
Ok, next morning once I got my sensors sorted out I went for a walk. Within 12 hrs of my heart attack I walked down 5 flights of stairs, had a walk for 45 minutes and walked back up. The ward are stunned and (very angry with me!) I was approached to spend 2 hrs in CT scanner for research purposes. They get data I get a very, very deep inspection of my heart and it was encouraging. My heart attack was minor - very minor. Barely visible damage and great movement confirmed that I was genuinely feeling terrific!
I left hospital early with more drugs than I could carry and finally got home where I sat down, realised what had happened, and cried my eyes out. My life has changed forever and I know it. It's not just the no fags but this could happen again to me. I eat a terrific diet, exercise, have low cholesterol, low pulse rate and low blood pressure. No sign of any other fatty deposits anywhere in my body! As 46 year olds go, I'm in very good order (except a broken back and 5 fucked discs of course). Ok I smoked, but I thought I had the whole heart attack thing covered. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The drugs they give you are terrible. I felt great until they came into effect. For the first few days you think you are going to have another heart attack I sware! Little chest pains, fluctuating pulse rate and hot flushes make you wonder whether you are going to have another. Not good but it appears I will not be on the nastier tablets for long - 6 months tops.
Anyway.....I have a love interest in my life. This has started since my heart attack and is lovely if I'm honest. The lady concerned is younger than myself (er...a lot younger in fact) but she is bright, affectionate and impressive if I'm honest. We both know that nothing will come of it in the long run which is sad but we are giving each other really nice times and I'm glad that I took the chance even though it is against my better judgement. She is very good company and very honest and I like that. As regular readers will know I have had some right nutters in recent years and whilst this young lady has to be a little touched to be hanging around with an old fart like me at least she has her feet on the ground and working to a plan to better her life and sticking to it. I really respect that. It reminds me of me.
So...what a post! Bet you didn't expect to read this shit when you poured milk over your rice crispies this morning! I never expected to write it either but there we go. My ethos on life is that if you experience a negative experience you should "right the wrong" and create a positive. So I have approached 2 other bands that I know well and we are going to do a one day festival in aid of the British Heart Foundation. I will keep you informed. Best payback I can think of. Thanks to Phill Kamm of A Stone Deaf and Jim from my old band Fat Freddy's Cat for assisting here. It will be good with some surprises and it will be in the autumn. I've even got the Wiltshire Times onboard - cheers Chris!
To music!!!!!! I've posted this before but it fits so well. My long suffering and exasperated GP thought I only had 2 or 3 lives left and maybe it is time to stop pushing. I will try but no promises. After all it is better to burn out than fade away. What a guitar solo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5mrEAPMLk8
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