Even sadder - 1 Funeral, 1 Daughter, an Ex-lover and a photo I thought I would never see myself in! - Early April 2012

What a strange week.  Isn't it funny how the past never really leaves you?  Just when you think some frustrating, disappointing, confusing and very painful times are behind you they suddenly come back with a vengeance.  More on that later, first the photos.

Yup, it is me playing a guitar.  A personal message to all the guitarists I have playfully jibed at over the years:  Your instrument is easier to play than the drums!!!!!...........still the drummers sense of humour!

We buried Wendy last Friday and it was terrible.  I took the bike and we gave her the best biker send off we could.  A power wheelie in 3rd past the Crem at over 70mph was derigeur - been a longtime since I did that!  Juvenile and naff and if you have never done a biker funeral you won't get it...there we go...  Everyone was emotional and it is so very wrong for a parent to bury her child.  Watching this frail old woman touch the coffin at the end of the ceremony was a real blub provoker for me.  Lizzy, babe, please out live me - I don't know whether, and to quote a Japanese Emperor, I could "endure the un-endurable".  If ever you wanted to do me a favour, just outlive me.
Lizzy has been spending some time with me in the month long Easter break and, as ever it is a joy to have her around.  I'm a very lucky guy.

Ok, that is the photos, the funeral now the ex-lover...  Those of you who have read this blog for over a year will already know of her.  Although I removed much detail from my blog many months ago - too painful - you should still get a flavour from my earlier posts.  Back to the story;  Yesterday I recieved a text - totally out of the blue from a woman who I love from her hair, her laugh to her fucked up and counter productive way she deals with those who love her.  For all that, she is the one for me and I'm the one for her and it is torment that will probably be with me forever.

So a text - a text full of affection and hope....but.  I wish I could just ride my bike but I am so bad at the moment and leaving the house is still difficult so I'm lumbered, as ever.  What a waste....in every way.  Fuck it. Who cares?  Why am I surprised?  I'm giggling here thinking how I would explain getting back with her to some of you guys anyway!  Some of you would apply to get me certified!!!  But I think you would understand too.

Tomorrow is another day and I have a mission.  I have not been out for several days trying to recover from my recent relapse - it's too difficult to conceal it at the moment - but I have got the band coming over tomorrow night.  I've got to go to the supermarket as I'm cooking and putting on a spead.  I have not done this for years and Lizzy may be there and so will Gary.  Ga is one of my closest friends and over the years we have supported each other in important ways.  Always loyal.  Always honest and always tries to see both sides of things.  What more could you want?

I've had enough of this post now.  So it's pain killers, a night cap, dvd and sleep.  Tomorrow is another day.  Ever seen "127 Hours"?  There are worse places to be.  If you have seen "Crazy Heart" you can believe there is a hero in all of us but that doesn't mean you get what you think you deserve.  If you are good however you may just get something else.  It is fiction but I like the optimism so who cares!  What a performance from Jeff Bridges...

As for music.....I've linked to this before....shit music but great lyrics....very apt.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWSsJ10b5nE

......and I have toothache lol!!!!!